Roll film:
"That 'Fucking Nobody' . . . is John Wick." (Sheesh the guy drives worse than I do)
He said they saw John Wick kill three men in a bar one night, with a pencil, and bury them in his basement (like John Wayne Gacy); It was a long night. Included sledgehammering.
Ya sledgehammering does make it a long night, even for John, uh, Wick.
"And you steal his car and kill his fucking dog."
Yeah. No kidding. Killing the dog was overkill, and a sorry assed Russian bad guy move.
"Son. you need a cleaner. May I suggest a lawyer I know with impeccable credentials? Not just credentials. Reputation."
John Wick is gonna get ya. Fuck yer cleaner.
John Wick just killed 10 or 20 Russian lawyers and frat boys. Nasty business suit wearing commercial law practicing Russian fucking lawyers. Maybe Ukrainian. I don't know for sure.
Fuck he's shooting them and strangling them and stabbing them. John Wick. Sharp as a cue ball and just as dangerous.
"Wick's at the Continental."
John Wick hasn't been in the local speakeasy for 5 years. That's not the word on the street. Just the chick behind the bar.
An entire company of former KGB is waiting at a snazzy nightclub for John Wick, and this plot is moving faster than an Elon Musk Falcon 9
Russian kid should be wearing an armored fucking bathing suit. But the kid just doesn't get it.
"You stole my car you killed my dog I break your neck."
At least two dozen men have died for this 5 month old beagle puppy. And this is far from over. It's like a grudge of some kind. Ya know. Like the kind I hold.
Anyway, this whole Russian / Ukrainian mob scene has to start over by the end of this movie. No doubt about it.
Talk about dragging shit out. Crazy. Absolutely fucking psycho.
Just shot a guy point-blank in the face, number 50. This guy is a McDavid AND a Draisaitl all wrapped up in one shooter. But he isn't much of a hit with the dance crowd.
How the Ukrainian lawyer's son keeps escaping is the pull. John Wick approaches the hotel clerk with a large gapping hole in his side, and of course the rule is, "Nothing to see here, all witnesses please exit stage left."
Gapping holes slight impediments. Yes, plural. Those Ukrainian mobsters don't stop shooting if you're still breathing.
And the fuckers hire your sister to take you down. The filthy animals. (Home Alone)
A surprise twist has the Russian Church operating as a money laundering front in the downtown of, where is this, Edmonton? Yah. Edmonton.
John Wick just killed a dozen people in the Church. I presume they are bad guys. And Lawyers. A couple of priests.
Okay he left and burned all the cash in his wake. This puts him in hot water with the Treasury Department. But they're Liberals in charge so the money's worth nothing.
We must be nearing 200 bodies. This is Shakespearean, Churchillian, Stalinist, and Nazi, all rolled into one.
Wick is taken down. It's not over (I am aware of sequels).
Did John Wick want to be captured?
"Do you know what was in that vault?"
"The remains of tampered witnesses?"
"Don't get smart with me, John, I am not a purchased judge." But John Wick escapes.
The ability of the Russians to sustain a defense is kind of unRussian in this movie. It's like John Wick is some kind of foreign Rasputin and immune from Russian/Ukrainian/unscrupulous lawyer death wishes. (Note: No Jewish mobsters are harmed in the conduct of this review, until now.)
John Wick is closing in on the puppy killer / car thief. There must be more to this rage than a puppy or a Bondo Ford from the Sixties. I know the back story is his wife is dead. The puppy didn't replace her. The puppy was new. It was a puppy.
At the end, the belligerent-sister-like chick is still dogging John Wick, as persistent as her promiscuity and John Wick's herpes.
He stick a knife in his leg. I didn't see who did it. Nobody did. But Merry Fucking Christmas there's a knife stuck in his leg.
John Wick got an upgrade from the shitty Mustang out of an insurance settlement. This horrific driver is back behind the wheel.
"What's fucking wrong with this guy?"
Took long enough. Is there a doctor in the house? One with a couch and a good ear for personality disorder? It's like this show has sequels inside the show. Sequels of killing sprees.
In the end, actual end, John Wick broke into a pound and got another dog. There are no more bad Ukrainian lawyer mobsters left in Edmonton.
Citizen X neither confirms nor denies these are the contents of the movie John Wick.
